she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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