I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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