So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
