Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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