just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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