Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
