Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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