Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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