so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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