Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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