I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
