well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
