Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
