you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
