fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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