I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
