i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
