Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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