Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
