I just pynch a tree in the face
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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