How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
