I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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