I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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