1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
