even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
