when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
