cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
