I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
