Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
