it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
