I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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