the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
