why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we made out on top of his cat.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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