I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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