I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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