i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
