Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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