He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
