Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
