if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
