I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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