chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
