when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
