Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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