I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
