the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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