I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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