My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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