i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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