Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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