Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
