Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
