this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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